I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
