Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
