It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
