just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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