Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
