glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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