doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
