I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize