I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize