There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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