Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize