3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
