one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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