In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
BRING THE BAGELS
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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