I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
