The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
