After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
