I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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