she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
