i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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