It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
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The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
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We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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