@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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