it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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