I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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