Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
