No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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