I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
if only i could text you this smell
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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