I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
