My boss' voice literally gives me gas
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
