are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
