I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
