I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
