You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
