"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
