how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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