he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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