That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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