i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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