I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
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Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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