Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
