Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
