have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh god it's open bar.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
