two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
