ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
