does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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