Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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