Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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