I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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