you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
