what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
