she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
