who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
