why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
