Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
