i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
