i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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