Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Found your dick twin last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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