remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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