i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
