Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
