Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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