mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
