Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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