i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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