omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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