How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
