I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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