sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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