I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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